Perfectionism = FEAR
Ever since I can remember learning was easy. I excelled at jobs and didn’t hesitate to take on leadership roles.
“Nice work! A+”
“Great job! Your work is always so well done.”
“Perfect!”
I’m not saying any of this to brag. I’m sharing because somewhere along the way my identity was synonymous with being perfect.
On the “good” side, perfectionists produce almost flawless work, care about the end product and excel in the many roles they take on.
On the “bad” side, perfectionists have a hard time completing a project if it’s not perfect, hold themselves and others to unachievable standards, and mistake FEAR for perfectionism.
I used to proudly wear my perfectionist badge with honor. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said or thought, “I’d rather not do it if it can’t be perfect.”
It wasn’t until last year, that I realized it’s not perfectionism that holds me back, it’s fear.
Fear of judgment. Fear of something not meeting my standards. Fear of failure.
My perfectionism robbed me of years of making decisions based in fear. Being so scared to move forward, but spinning out staying in place.
What was the remedy for breaking out of this toxic identity? It’s never really gone, but I’ve found that the following things have helped:
Taking action. Shocker. Taking concrete action towards my goals and breaking things down into smaller chunks loosens the grip of perfectionism.
Set a time limit for any task. A task will expand to the amount of time you give it. By setting a time limit I don’t second guess everything.
Having people in my life to support and push me. No one else expects perfect from you and the right people can remind you when fear creeps in.
Acknowledging my accomplishments and putting myself out there. Perfectionists focus more on what they didn’t get done rather than how far they’ve come. My journaling practice helps in this area tremendously!
I joke that I’m a perfectionist in recovery. It’s something that I have to work at every day. Many times B- work is okay. If you told me this 1 year ago, I felt like I was going to throw up. I couldn’t even imagine it.
But I am here today keeping this in mind: Progress over perfection. Action over fear.
As women we hold ourselves to impossible standards. Let’s cut this shit out and adopt a new identity: Good enough. Join me!